I will never tame my convictions to make them easier for you to swallow
Not when I have been carrying my grief in my throat since the first time I apologized for being gay.
The afternoon before fifty of us were murdered, my best friend said to me,
“Sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting for the next person I love to die.”
It is easy to be lulled into a state of comfort
Until your face is pushed up against a window to this burning world.
I don’t have a solution for this.
Sometimes, I think that’s not my job. Other times, I know it is.
I am tired of running for the door and begging to be let inside
I am tired of being that door for other people.
I’ve started carrying a hatchet.

it’s a friday night and I
am in bed, alone
wondering where you are

every time I think I’m a fool for you
I realize I am just a fool

Every time I wake I remind myself
It is okay to be full of love
Full of light
Even if it makes the rest of the world squint
Even if they shut the blinds on me some days
My wild heart need never apologize
For its untamed truths
It’s unapologetic convictions

It is okay to be full of love
You are not weak
Even when your knees buckle under
The weight of the world
And it’s holy spin knocks you
Right out